A Strange Experience Draft 1
It was in a summer vocation, when I was 10 years old. I was in my hometown where there were many trees and a clean river. One day, it was hot outside and I went to the river with my sister who is 3 years senior to me. After playing water for a long time, we took a rest under a big tree. Suddenly, a little boy who had bright golden hair appeared alone without saying anything. He seemed to be shy and hid himself behind a tree. We began to walk to him and tried to talk to him, but he just nodded and shook his head without saying a word. We felt much strange but still tried to communicate with him. Is he a mute? However, we still played game with him, and had a good time in the river all afternoon. But he never took to us all day. After that, I went home and told to my father about the strange boy. To my surprise, my father told me that he is a foreigner and is in poor health. His parents took him here to take a rest. How could I play with a foreigner all day without saying a word? I thought it was because that the boy had a sweet smile and the smile is the best word in the world.

3 Comments:
I was in my hometown where there were ...這句的where是關代吧?後面的there可以省略
with my sister who is 3 years senior to me.為什麼這樣要用is啊?
my father told me that he is a foreigner and is in poor health.這後面又變成現在式了
假日拼錯了 是vacation
"We began to walk to him and tried to talk to him..."
我覺得began不用寫,通常都是加在長時間的時候
"But he never took to us all day."
應該是...talked
我發覺妳without saying用了三次,也許其中一個可以用and say nothing或是talking(最後一個)來代替
你們應該不是在河裡面玩吧?!所以可以用
had a good time on the side of the river all afternoon.
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