A Bad Father's Day draf 1
Today is Father’s Day. From the morning, Alan’s father has a good mood. Their family decide to cerebrate it by having a big dinner in a restaurant. Alan’s mother goes to buy a cake, his sister makes a Father’s Day card and Alan prepare a gift. Everything is wonderful. But something happens before they going out. A school report card is sent to Alan’s home. It’s of Alan, and he gets poor grades. Alan’s father is very angry because he thinks that Alan played around instead of studied hard before the final exam. Alan is sorry about that. The situation is embarrassed. His father throws the report away and goes back to his room. The Father’s Day is broken and it’s a bad day for their family.
posted by 汶汶汶 @ 7:03 AM
7 Comments:
寫的很順～應該沒什麼問題！
不過我還是覺得這是在描述過去的事
用過去式會更好
Alan’s father has a good mood.
→Alan’s father is in a good mood.
這樣也可以
It’s of Alan,→這句應該不用
and he gets poor grades.可以用Unfortunately,he gets poor grades.
其他都ok~
Their family decide to cerebrate it by having a big dinner in a restaurant.
慶祝拼錯了...是celebrate
其他都還不錯~~
Alan’s mother goes to buy a cake, his sister makes a Father’s Day card and Alan prepare a gift.
→刪掉Father’s Day可能比較好
prepare要加S
我也覺得過去式敘述比較好_
A school report card is sent to Alan’s home. It’s of Alan, and he gets poor grades.
→怪怪的?
改A school report card of Alan is sent to home, and he gets poor grades.
還不錯：］
Alan’s mother goes to buy a cake, his sister makes a Father’s Day card and Alan prepare a gift.
→Father’s Day 可去掉
prepare 加s
Alan’s mother goes to buy a cake, his sister makes a Father’s Day card and Alan prepare a gift.
→Father’s Day 可去掉
prepare加s
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